


A Tree for Lungs

by mrweeaboowatson



Category: supermega
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M, currently on hiatus!!!, uhhhh ill b back eventually i stg..
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-10-01 20:04:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17250518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrweeaboowatson/pseuds/mrweeaboowatson
Summary: The podcast stops abruptly when Matt’s feelings start crawling out of his throat.





	1. Cherry Blossoms

Matt’s heart leapt out of his chest, hearing the fake laughter suddenly erupt from the male beside him. He was certainly used to Ryan blurting out in fake laughter before, but this caught him by surprise. His heart was bouncing around in his chest like a ping pong ball, hitting off his nerves as it did so, which was clearly evident in his expression and body language. Here he was, recording the last podcast of the year with Ryan, and he had just made a joke about kissing him under mistletoe.

 

He really didn’t expect Ryan to laugh _that_ hard.

 

Usually Matt would find it in himself to laugh at Ryan’s laughter, as it was nearly contagious, but this time he was finding it extremely difficult to do so. It felt like he had been punched in the chest, and the person who had done it wasn’t going to take their fist out for a long time too.

 

“J-Jesus Christ..” Ryan mumbled as he wiped his eyes of tears with his wrist, still a little bit giggly after what Matt had uttered to him. Matt laughed nervously, scratching behind his head, shivering at the feeling that was building up in his chest. He gave a forced smile to Ryan after he had spoken, but in all honestly he felt horrible and it wasn’t getting any better as time ticked by.

 

“I bet some fans are gonna be going _WILD_ after hearing that one, nice job Matt.” Ryan stated shakily after regaining his composure, having red marks under his eyes from laughing so hard at the stupid comment Matt had made. He grinned over at him contently, hoping to see Matt doing the same back, as he wasn’t sure he had heard any laughter coming from the other side of the couch.

 

Matt shivered as his spine shifted a little, making him ever so slightly lurch forward, his shoes scratching across the carpet of the recording room. He made eye contact with Ryan as he heard the other finish speaking, smiling weakly back at him in an attempt to move on with things, but his body had other ideas.

 

A pink liquid dribbled out of his mouth, not even making it to his chin before he lurched forward even more, towards the floor this time, a horrible sound crawling up from his throat as he attempted to keep whatever was trying to come out, in. One of his hands was clutching onto the table before them, while the other was covering his mouth, slowly but surely being stung by whatever was leaking from between his lips.

 

Ryan’s eyes widened at the peculiar liquid at that moment in time, as he suspected it may have just been a milkshake or something, but worry soon shook in and out of him as he witnessed Matt stretching forward in pain and agony, especially after hearing the horrible sound of pain that had come from him. The trembles of fear that were coming from the other were practically unbearable to watch, so Ryan grabbed Matt’s shoulder, sweat running down his forehead as he yelled at him just a little.

 

“M-Matt!! W-What the fuck-“ He managed to scramble out of his mouth, his teeth chattering as he stopped recording the podcast, his finger slipping and pressing record again as Matt yelled back at him.

 

“IT’S- IT’S NOTHING R-RYAN!!” The tall male spluttered, every limb in his body shaking as he attempted to stand up, despite Ryan pulling him back down a little simply in worry. “J-Just some fucking smoothie I had earlier I g-guess..-!” He added, pulling away from Ryan confidently, now resting his one free hand on the couch, his knees trembling as he attempted to stay upright.

 

Matt never would have been the kind of guy to leave Ryan hanging on a question if he had asked one, but this situation was far too dire. He skidded out of the room, his eyes bulging in fear as he made a dash for the bathroom, thankfully not bumping into any of the Grumps on the way there. His thin fingers fiddled with the door handle, snatching the key out before he went in, slipping onto his knees once he was inside and had poorly locked the door before he could even decide to do that himself.

 

Ryan was surprised by Matt’s sudden yell, and he was even more surprised ( _maybe even startled_ ) by him running off. Ryan was speechless for the majority of Matt’s yelling, but he did attempt to make up some sentences in between his distress, which sadly resulted in nothing but cut off words of worry.

 

He clambered over the couch, his flip flops squeaking across the floor as he ran for the bathroom, his eyes widening in slight fear at what he could hear as he got closer to the locked wooden door.

 

Matt was sobbing uncontrollably in a heartbroken manner, his hands clutched to the toilet seat as pink ooze and cherry blossoms slithered off his tongue and into the bowl beneath him. It may not have looked like it hurt that much, but Matt felt as though the plant was growing around his lungs, wrapping them in strong wooden branches overtime, and he didn’t know how much longer he could endure the pain for.

 

Ryan shuddered at Matt’s sobs, coughs and wheezes, thankfully not being able to see exactly what was going on from outside. He pondered for a moment, before shakily raising his hand to knock on the door, hearing Matt’s nails hit off the toilet seat in surprise when he did so. “..Y-you okay in there buddy..??” He asked, his voice sounding soft and concerned, as he wanted the other to know that he genuinely cared for him at the moment.

 

Matt felt a dagger go through his heart. He didn’t let any noise escape his throat this time, but certainly he let more flowers slip out of his oesophagus upon hearing Ryan’s concern. He couldn’t hide it from himself anymore. He loved him. He loved Ryan so much. He was so scared that Ryan didn’t love him and he was so scared that this stupid disease was going to kill him before he realised.

 

Still. Hearing the concern from the other also made him feel safe. The fact that Ryan could be so calm after seeing those events unfold was almost.. admirable. A smile curled onto Matt’s face as he replied, it only being there for a few seconds. “Y-yeah Ry, just need a few minutes.” He uttered to the other, looking over at the door in fear of the reply he was going to get while he could feel the disease dancing around his lungs.

 

Ryan felt a small amount of relief wash over him, sighing a little to himself. He really wanted to ask, but he had decided that this really wasn’t his kinda thing to be asking about. He didn’t think he was good at giving advice about these types of things, so he kept it vague, as he knew Matt still needed time. “Alright.” He muttered, knocking softly once again to show Matt that he was still here, but leaving as well. “I’ll.. be in the recording room when you’re ready.” He added kindly, walking off with a huge weight still on his shoulders, as he still felt as though something was wrong here that he wouldn’t be able to fix even if he knew about it.

 

Matt didn’t even let a reply slip out of himself, as the flowers did that for him, slowly slipping and sliding out of his mouth, trailing down the pink liquid that came with it. Tears formed under his eyes again as he closed them, pathetically slamming his hand down on the toilet seat as a singular petal flew between his lips and into the water below. “..I love you..” He stated to the other, knowing already that he was gone, and he’d never be able to say it to him if he was there either.

 


	2. Red Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt and Ryan take a breather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> making this have multiple chapters thanks to that one comment :)) u know who you are :o)

Matt must have been in the bathroom for at least 15 minutes, coughing up flower after flower, and the sickening liquid that came with it, burning his throat as it slowly slithered its way between his teeth. His mind was basically a scribble of emotions as he sat on the cold tiles, shivering every time he realised he wasn’t finished.

 

He was actually able to go through this situation quicker if he wanted to, but that would include forcing himself to vomit it all out in one go, which would surely bust up his throat for a good day or so, not to mention his emetophobia that was always there.

 

Regretfully, he shakily stood up, his knees barely being able to keep him upright. He swiftly closed the toilet seat, sitting down on it in silence for a few seconds before flushing his feelings down the drain. A cough slipped out of his throat, in turn making a single petal fly out from between his lips, which landed in his palm, that was outstretched on his lap in distress at the moment. 

 

He looked at it blankly, feeling his eyes tear up, but honestly not caring enough to stop them from running down his face. Matt was too occupied with the emotions scurrying around his head at the moment, all trying to yell something different to him all at once. 

 

In all honesty, Matt didn’t know how he was going to return to Ryan.

 

He didn’t know what he was going to say, what excuses he could use, and what he could say if they didn’t work. He was so afraid of letting something slip out by accident and receive rejection from the other. He was _terrified_ of the image his mind was giving him, which was his body slowly growing branches from all ends, curling around his bones and nerves and eventually sticking out of his body with flowers patterned all over them. It was a horrible, bloody image but it was all he could make out in his mind, so he did the only thing he could do right now, which was to pathetically cry a little bit more until his brain gave him a break.

 

-

 

Ryan twiddled with his fingers, anxiously looking down at his feet with his arms resting across his lap, blood rushing to his head the longer he continued to look down. He had tried to distract himself, he really did. From scrolling through Twitter, to messaging his mom, nothing would silence the worries for the other male.

 

A few more minutes passed for him before his eyes trailed over to the computer they were using to record the podcast, which was still recording as he sat here, for however long it had been now. He cursed a little under his breath, as he knew how much the podcasts ate up the storage on the computer anyway, and extra minutes of silence were sure to make that problem even worse. 

 

Soon enough, he had slipped on headphones and was listening to the last few minutes of the podcast, simply out of curiosity. Ryan honestly wanted to prepare for Matt’s return as well, as he didn’t exactly know what to ask, or if he even should. He was aware that Matt got kinda pissy when he questioned about personal issues, and he wasn’t sure if this was one or not. 

 

Listening back to this really made him think. The way Matt got uneasy after he had laughed at the joke for so long… was it _his_ fault? For a split second, Ryan tumbled into a panic. He took out his phone, messing up his passcode too many times that his phone was locked for a minute. Maybe it was a good thing that it was. A minute to _think_. A minute to _reconsider_.

 

After the minute ticked by and Ryan’s phone lit up, he slowly put in his passcode and went straight to his messages, clicking on Matt’s name. Then he hesitated. He took a breath, and put his phone down. He needed to take it easy.

 

Of course he didn’t want to seem like an asshole and assume that nothing was his fault, but even if this was, Matt must have some silly reason for this, right? This entire situation must either just be a bit or just Matt having a weird breakdown over something and it wasn’t his fault at all. It was the only hope he had, so he was clinging to it.

 

Ryan took his headphones off and put his hands together, fiddling with them once again, before leaving them to rest against his chest. He began to carefully think about what he was going to ask the other, while he had the time.

 

-

 

Matt wiped the bags from under his eyes as he stood up again, his shoes squeaking off the tiles as he made his way over to the door. A huge weight was still present on his shoulders, and he wasn’t feeling particularly positive about returning to Ryan, but he had decided that he had stayed in the bathroom long enough. 

 

His hand curled around the metal handle, while the other twisted the key open, the door opening once the click of the metal had hit his ears. Although he didn’t exactly expect to see what was waiting for him on the other side of the door, waiting outside for who knows how long. 

 

Someone familiar covering their mouth with rose petals slipping between their fingers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :o


	3. Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan tries to comfort Matt as best as he can, and it kinda works out.

Matt honestly nearly fell backwards onto the tiles after seeing someone waiting outside the door, as both guilt and worry washed over him almost instantly. Even though he couldn’t help it, he felt like an asshole for being in the bathroom for so long, especially when he could have been done with it a lot quicker if he didn’t have his emetophobia barking down his neck all the time.

 

Still, as the panic lifted off his shoulders and his outstretched hands soon began to rest into a normal state, he couldn’t help but notice the fact that the individual was covering their mouth with their hand, and a single rose petal was peeking out between their fingers.

 

It was kinda weird to see  _ Arin _ like this.

 

Soon, Matt also realised how long he had been standing there for in shock like an idiot, mumbling a short but swift, ‘s-sorry’ from his lips, giving a fake smile after he had stepped a couple feet out of the way.

 

Arin gave a weak thumbs up in return, possibly trying to smile behind his hand, but there wasn’t enough time to see if it was genuine or not, as he twisted around on his heel into the bathroom, followed by the noise of frantic fiddling with the key.

 

At this point, Matt had walked away a couple steps, but he couldn’t help but realise the obvious. As faint sounds of horrible vomiting hit his ears from behind, puzzle pieces started to fall into place in his head and his mind started to wonder about things.

 

Did.. Arin have Hanahaki Disease too?? The way he was desperately holding his hand up to his mouth in front of the bathroom, the-

 

Matt paused. He was in front of the recording room door.

 

Had he really let his mind rush him down the hallway that quickly? He looked down the hallway, squinting a little at the door to the bathroom at the other end, almost dissociating over how he had made his way here without realising at all. 

 

His hand trembled horribly as he brought it towards the door, but he managed to open it somewhat normally, being very sure he could feel a few nerves in his body burst in worry as Ryan looked at him. Of course that’s what everyone does when someone walks into a room, but Matt felt like he hated it more than anyone else did. The anxiety that it shot down his spine was almost unbearable, but he managed not to show much of it as he stepped in and closed the door behind him.

 

“Hey.” Ryan stated towards him, attempting to lighten the mood with a calm start to their conversation, anxiety definitely present in his eyes as well, no doubt about it. As soon as Matt had walked in, he had immediately forgotten everything he was going to say, so currently, he was improvising.

 

“H-hey.” Matt replied, raising his hand to a slight wave, making his way over to Ryan, sitting down on the couch next to him. The atmosphere in the room sure was awkward, that was for sure, and the longer it took for one of them to come up with something to talk about, the worse it was going to get.

 

“Sooo…. what was that about..??” Ryan asked bluntly, making an awkward expression with his lips towards Matt after he had finished, as if he wanted an answer rather quickly. Truth was, he kinda did. He was worried about Matt, and he wasn’t able to hide that at all, even if he wanted to.

 

“T-that..??” Matt repeated with a shaky tone, looking at him with widened eyes, looking away for a moment. “W-well I.. uh..” He started to feel stressed out and incredibly warm all of a sudden, the possibility of him passing out being very high. He fumbled around with his words, making up nothing but broken starts to sentences with no ends that cut in and out of each other like a bad traffic jam. 

 

He felt like he was going to get sick again. Matt was completely terrified of throwing up again, even if it was a slow process, he didn’t want to do it again. He was so afraid of Ryan seeing what was wrong with him, and he wasn’t ready for the questions that he’d have to answer. He started to feel dizzy he started to f-

 

Matt stopped panicking for a second and looked down at his hand. Ryan was holding it.

 

He looked down at his shoes as a blush started to form on his face, one that he couldn’t help no matter how hard he tried. He sniffled a little bit by habit and a bit from panic, Ryan’s voice soon soothing his worries in an instant. 

 

“It’s okay.” Ryan told him, gripping his hand a little bit tighter. He had no idea what he was doing, but it had certainly caused some sort of immediate change in Matt, and he was hoping that it was a good one, as he couldn’t exactly see his face at the moment. Not at this angle anyway.

 

“It’s okay if it’s something you don’t wanna talk about man, I understand.” He added, tapping anxiously against the couch with his free hand’s fingers, biting his lip a little as he now looked away from Matt. He was worried for his reply, as he hadn’t been that talkative since he had come in. Ryan was.. scared that what he had just said was going to make it worse.

 

Matt pondered on Ryan’s words for a moment. It kinda was something that Matt wanted to talk to him about, but at the same time he didn’t. He knew very well that if he didn’t tell him, he would most certainly die in the next few weeks, and even if he did tell Ryan he had feelings for him, the chance of rejection was always there. Matt was terrified of that. That’s why he couldn’t tell him.

 

“Okay.” Matt mumbled, using his free hand to wipe a pathetic tear from his face, seriously not wanting Ryan to see him being actually upset over this. He didn’t want to have to deal with Ryan asking him  _ why _ he was upset. “Maybe I’ll… message you later about it..” He added with a shiver from his spine, feeling horrible after he had uttered those words. Now Ryan was going to be expecting him to message him later.  _ Great _ .

 

“Alright bud, looking forward to it.” Ryan replied with a smile, slowly but surely disconnecting his fingers from Matt’s, looking over at him with wide eyes after he heard movement from him right after he had done so.

 

For a second, Matt had reached his hand forward a little, as if he wanted Ryan to hold it again, his fingers outstretched towards him as if he was awaiting a grasp. Not long after that, Matt’s face flared up with blush once again, as his and Ryan’s eyes had met, and Ryan had surely noticed this action.

 

“S-Sorry.” Matt mumbled, keeping his hands to himself now, looking down at the clock ticking around on his watch, to keep himself occupied. 3 minutes. 3 minutes until their shift was over. 3 minutes for him to tell Ryan something if he really wanted to. He probably wouldn’t though, would he? Of course he wouldn’t.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u_u I lov everyone who’s reading this sm..
> 
> any1 who wants to chill out with me can catch me on my tumblr which is the same user as here !! <33


	4. Starry Connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan drives Matt home tells him things he didn’t want to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for anyone reading this in real time AAG sorry for being dead for a few days I had no ideas 
> 
> Hope u like this extra long chapter !!

Ryan could feel sweat running down his forehead after that short encounter, his cheeks feeling a little bit warm as well. He didn’t  _ think _ it was blush, but of course he couldn’t see it, so he had no idea if it was or not. 

 

_ Why did Matt do that?? _ Ryan didn’t have a watch on hand and he didn’t want to be an asshole and take out his phone in this awkward moment, so he just sat there, wondering what time it was, trying to give his mind something to think about other than what had just happened. Besides, he’d have to drive him h-

 

Ryan stopped thinking for a moment and looked over at Matt. Matt was looking down at his shoes, his free hand covering his watch while the other seemed to cling to the couch desperately with his long fingers. He felt so bad for him, even though Ryan had no idea what was wrong and he was afraid of asking, as he was terrified it’d be  _ his _ fault. He’d rather have it constantly on his mind forever than find out the truth. Bad idea if you ask me.

 

“H-Hey Matt..” Ryan trailed off, watching as Matt looked down at his watch, seeming to peer at the time before facing Ryan, his face looking a little bit puffy.  _ Had he been crying or something? _ Ryan hoped not. 

 

“Yeah?” Matt replied shakily, taken by surprise by the sudden conversation being started by the other. He wasn’t against it or anything, but he was afraid that it would be a question about him and his feelings again. He really didn’t want to panic again, since he knew Ryan wouldn’t hold his hand a second time to calm his nerves. Not genuinely anyway.

 

“Uh, just wanted to remind you that you asked me to drive you to work this morning, so.. I guess I’ll be driving you home too..!” Ryan smiled in Matt’s general direction, beginning to stand up to fix his shirt a little. He jumped up more than he wanted to when he did so, as a notification soon blurted out from his phone. Time to go home.

 

Matt went blank for a second, trying to remember the events of this morning. It all seemed like a haze after he had gotten sick in the office, as it really took a lot of energy out of him whenever he got into a state like that. Surely something related to Hanahaki this morning as well, as his memory of the morning was extremely hazy, and he could only remember begging Ryan for a lift to work when they were already both 10 minutes late. 

 

Still, this rattled him a little. The fact that the atmosphere was awkward between them right now, he couldn’t imagine what it’d be like for a drive home. He could only  _ beg _ that his Hanahaki didn’t creep up on him in the car too. Matt really didn’t want to be stuck in the situation of having nowhere to vomit. Not again.

 

“O-oh yeah, fuck. Thanks for reminding me Ry’.” Matt cooed back after he had snapped into reality, standing up weakly himself, grabbing his hoodie from the couch, slipping his phone into the pocket of his jeans. 

 

Ryan gave a genuine smile to that, as that sounded like something Matt would usually say, which lifted his spirits a little. Maybe he was actually helping.

 

-

 

Matt slid the seatbelt diagonally across his chest, humming quietly to himself, slipping his earphones out of his pocket in his free hand, grabbing his phone with the other once it was free from locking his belt into place. 

 

Ryan had already started driving as he wanted to get home, but looked over at Matt, a grumpy expression evident on his face for a moment. He knew that they had agreed to talk about what had happened over text later but… he was just so worried. Ryan felt as though he wasn’t doing a good job at driving tonight. His hands felt more sweaty than usual and his senses were all over the place. There was too much going on and everything felt like it was way louder than it should be.

 

“I’m gonna try chill out with some jams Ryan. ‘That alright with you?” Matt cooed in his direction, seeming to be a bit more at ease, still with thoughts running around in the back of his mind. The quiet hum of the car and the dim lights of the outside in the dark made him feel peaceful, he knew that well.

 

“Y-yeah, that’s fine.” Ryan snapped back, wiping under his eyes with a lone finger as he looked out the window. The sky was as dark as ever thanks to it being winter, so the stars surely stood out up there, twinkling away. The stars were a comfort for Ryan, yet he had no idea why. 

 

He then looked down at the wheel again, not really feeling that much more at ease. He cursed under his breath a little, looking over at Matt’s general direction. He was looking out the window now, surely deep into whatever song he was listening to at the moment. Matt looked peaceful, but Ryan still couldn’t help but worry about him.

 

Ryan had probably looked at Matt for longer than he should have, as when he looked back at the road again, he yelled out before he clutched onto the wheel and grit his teeth while slamming down on the brakes. His vision was all blurry from the panic he was still in, so he had just barely caught himself from driving through a red light.

 

Matt was still looking out the window at this point, but had slammed forward, into the section of the door where the window ended, earning a bruise on his head, and a nosebleed trickling down his face. He winced at the impact with the door, gritting his teeth at himself as he felt as though he was going to cry. He was just still so vulnerable from earlier, the littlest things could break him right now. That’s why he just wanted to be home already.

 

Still, through the pain, he managed to yell at Ryan, his voice being deadly serious and extremely pissed off. “What the  _ FUCK _ WAS THAT??!” He rubbed his head a little, huffing under his breath at the pain that shot from his nerves once he had done so. He didn’t care to do much about the nosebleed, but he wiped his nose every few seconds to get the feeling of blood off his face.

 

Ryan got a fright from his yell, honestly nearly making them crash into the car in front of them as they went around a bend. He ran a hand through his hair, glaring over at Matt for a second before replying as he looked at the road again. “What do you MEAN WHAT WAS THAT?? It was an ACCIDENT!!” Ryan really wasn’t in the mood for this. He had been affectionate maybe a few minutes ago but.. this sudden panic and now anger in his body had made it completely go away. Matt shouting at him was his only scaring him more into thinking that Matt hated him now, so he really didn’t want to hear any more of it.

 

“Oh  _ SURE _ , it was also an accident that you kept on fucking looking at me, right Ryan??” Matt sneered back at him, snatching his earphones out of his own ears, not even bothering to pause the music. There was music playing from the radio anyway, but it was almost impossible to hear over the two yelling back and forth. He then blurted out something stupid, feeling his throat sting right after he had said it. “I-It’s not like you’re in fucking  _ LOVE _ with me or anything, right??-!”

 

Ryan bit his lip, looking over at Matt again for a sec, catching the bruise now on his head, as well as the continuing nosebleed . It surely was noticeable, but he wasn’t going to mention that to Matt, as he knew it wouldn’t end well for him. He knew how Matt could get when the wrong things were said. He did that sometimes too. 

 

Then, Ryan had just realised what Matt had said to him.

 

He wasn’t sure if he could answer that. He didn’t know what he’d classify their relationship as. They were best friends to the end of course but, Ryan had never considered love. The fact that Matt may be gay was a little bit of a surprise to him, but not by that much.

 

“I don’t FUCKING THINK SO-!!” He yelled back regardless, yelling as loud as he possibly could to just make this end. He was so sick of hearing nothing but loud noises back forth for the past few minutes, including all the thoughts bouncing around his head. Sure it was funny when it was for a joke, but this was just heartbreaking to him. 

 

Matt didn’t feel like he could feel anything. His hands started shaking as the realisation of those words hit his ears, making his lungs feel like they were being twisted around until they were so close to snapping off. He covered his mouth, feeling the flowers build up in his throat. If he didn’t find somewhere to vomit now, his throat would become clogged with the flowers and he would suffocate right then and there.

 

He could only do the one thing that came to his mind, which was to pretend he wasn’t talking to Ryan anymore. This usually happened during their fights, where Ryan would have to leave him for a bit and come and talk it out later. Too bad Ryan can’t do that right now. He’s  _ stuck _ with him whether he likes it or not. Of course he doesn’t.

 

Ryan caught Matt doing this in corner of his eye, letting out a short huff as the male refused to look away from the window. Now Matt was going to do that for the rest of the way, and he wasn’t going to get another word out of him. Great. What an asshole he was.

 

-

 

Matt's shoe splashed down hard into a puddle as he stepped out of the car, rain splashing down onto his head viciously from the sky. He still wasn’t talking to Ryan and he made that very clear, especially by how he slammed the car door and walked off without saying anything. He was still slightly holding his hand up to his mouth, and the flowers building up inside him were surely making him off balance and walk awkwardly to his doorstep.

 

Ryan felt guilt wash over him immediately, wondering if it was a good idea to perk up any type of conversation. He couldn’t think of a starter in particular, so he yelled out the only thing that came to mind at the moment. “Matt!! Y-You’re coming into work tomorrow, r-right??-!” He rested his hand on the open window as he awaited a reply, watching in slight fear as Matt turned around once he had reached his porch. From where Ryan was, he could slightly see that Matt’s posture was a bit worse than usual, but unfortunately just passed it off as him probably being tired from their work today.

 

Matt simply shrugged at him with one arm, narrowing his eyes at Ryan one last time before he opened his front door shakily and locked it behind him.

 

Ryan drove off after a few seconds of thinking, too many thoughts buzzing around in his head. He tried to drown them all out with music from the radio, but it wasn’t working that well. I suppose it was something. Something to stop him from ramming his car into another perhaps.  _ Hopefully _ .

 

As soon as Matt closed his front door behind himself and clicked the key in, he immediately started to sob his eyes out. He slid down the door on his back until he reached the floor, coughing and wheezing as he began to throw up those dreadful flowers. He felt like such an asshole.

 

Banana came purring over to Matt, stepping around the growing vomit puddle to step near his lap, nuzzling his head against his thigh. Matt found the strength to pet his cat on the head a little, scratching him behind the ear as well.

 

Matt then pushed his cat aside as he stumbled forward while trying to get up, getting his knees covered in the gunk that he had conjured up from his gut. “F-Fucking hell..” He mumbled in the middle of his sobs, standing up again weakly, now dashing to the bathroom, feeling like he was going to throw up his heart at this point with how much his body was hurting each time he got sick.

 

Maybe he wasn’t dead yet since Ryan didn’t reply with certainty, but he was fairly sure that Ryan didn’t love him.  _ And why would he anyway? _ Matt saw himself as a snarky and idiotic asshole in everyone else’s eyes, so of course nobody would really love him for that.  _ What was he thinking? _

 

He sniffled in disgust as he had noticed his nosebleed dripping into the toilet, mixing a little with whatever he was throwing up. He coughed and wheezed as way too many flowers crawled up his throat, nearly scratching it all the way until they tumbled out in the fizzing pink liquid that probably came from his stomach.

 

He shook violently, falling to the ground pathetically, stopping himself from getting sick anymore. He couldn’t handle it. He just wanted to be left here, because he didn’t see a point in trying anymore. This had been going on for so long, he couldn’t remember his life before it. 

 

Matt sobbed pathetically, shivering in pain and fear on the cold tiles as he awaited something. He was expecting his untimely death, but maybe it was something else.

 

A notification buzzed from his pocket, causing Matt to nearly immediately take his phone out. Was it Ryan? Was he saying sorry?? Did he want to call Matt or something?? D-

 

Nope. It was  _ Arin _ .

 

Still, the text that came from him was still as shocking to Matt, as he opened his phone rather quickly after he had read the one word that it had said. 

 

_ ‘Hanahaki??’ _

 

Matt fumbled with his phone as he didn’t even reply to it, immediately calling Arin instead. He may be busy right now, but he needed to talk to someone else. Someone who understood. Someone wh-

 

“Hello??” Arin’s voice soon came from the phone, sounding a little bit worried to say the least, and maybe a little bit confused. Matt didn’t even attempt to speak. He just started sobbing uncontrollably, coughing and wheezing more and more flowers as time ticked by. He felt as though he was on his deathbed, and Arin was going to be the last person he was going to talk to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably the saddest thing I’ve ever written


	5. The Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan comes to visit. But he also kinda doesn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO!! Uuuu u_o sorry if this chapter isn’t that good I might rewrite it in the future idk!!

“M-Matt!! C-C’mon man..” Arin mumbled worriedly, his voice sounding frantic as he tried to calm the other down, which didn’t seem to be working at all. He had been sobbing uncontrollably for about 3 minutes now, not to mention it sounded like he was having trouble breathing.

 

“..Is he okay?” Dan called from beside Arin, which Matt was surprisingly able to hear through his panicked state. He was looking at Arin with his eyebrow raised, as they had been live streaming, and Arin had paused the game to take the call, so he had nothing better to do.

 

Arin looked blankly at Dan, feeling his body tense up a little. He shivered monetarily as the flowers in his lungs began to build up, which he ignored, unknowingly causing a build up in his lungs. He swallowed the mess in his throat, looking down at the chat on the laptop exploding with questions about the absent editor.

 

Matt kept on sobbing softly as the silence occurred, hating that he was the centre of attention right now. Of course he had to call Arin in the middle of a livestream. Of COURSE Matt had to be on the floor choking to death right now.

 

“I-I don’t know I..” Arin had finally replied, not knowing what to do or say. He didn’t know Matt was this bad, and he definitely didn’t want to bring up the disease now either, in front of Dan _and_ in front of whoever was watching the livestream right now.

 

“Forget it.” Matt’s voice broke the shorter silence, his voice being as broken as ever. He paused to finally sit up, hacking out an entire pile of flowers one by one, moaning out uncontrollably in pain as he did so.

 

Arin and Danny had gasped slightly as he said and did this, but had no time to object, as Matt’s last sentence before he hung up left them shocked. “Just let me suffer.”

 

 

This was it. _He blew it._

 

 

Matt felt absolutely horrible. The fact that he had sat up made him bubble with hatred for himself, because he wanted to die. He wanted those dreaded flowers to clog up his lungs until it was impossible to breathe and he choked. 

 

Then the unexpected happened. A knock at the door.

 

“C-Come in..” Matt called shakily from the ground after a while of thinking, genuinely feeling too weak to stand up. He felt really rude for just shouting that out but.. he really had no choice.

 

His eyes widened as he saw who it was, tears sparkling in his blue eyes now. “R-Ryan..??” He had already started blushing madly as soon as he saw the other, which he absolutely hated himself for. Why couldn’t he just be normal around him for once?

 

“M-Matt!! I’m so sorry I just.. I was really worried about you and I-I..” Ryan seemed to pause after he had walked in a foot or so, closing the door slowly behind him. He was looking down at the mess Matt had vomited up, looking.. concerned as to what it was, since Matt’s lips were still dripping the dreaded pink fizzing liquid.

 

“W..What the fuck is this??” He didn’t even seem to want to walk around it, just staring at it blankly now with a puzzled look in his eyes. He only averted his eye contact from it once, when Banana had appeared out of nowhere to briefly brush off his leg.

 

Matt on the other hand, was terrified. Was he going to have to tell Ryan? Was he going to die if he did? He felt like crying again, but he stood up, wiping his tears. “I..I can explain I swear I c-“ Matt paused, jolting down onto his knees now, trembling like he was in the jaws of some beast. Well, he was. His lungs.

 

Matt didn’t have time react as wooden branches shot out of his chest, curling and twisting as they stuck to the walls, keeping his body up a few feet, making him look rather creepy to say the very least. He had yelled out in absolute agony, Ryan having tears in his eyes for him as he watched this display.

 

“M-MATT!!!!!” He yelled out as he saw the wood twist and curl out of Matt’s neck, his eyes going in to the back of his head as this occurred. There was a silence now, Ryan completely shocked out of his mind. What the fuck _was_ that?

 

“..M..Matt..?” He called out again, stepping forward, yelping as the longer male’s arm grabbed him, now pulling him closer with a smile but no pupils to be seen.

-

 

Matt screamed as Ryan screamed, sitting up from the floor in shock. He looked around, panting his heart out like a dog. So many questions were buzzing around in his head right now.

 

One question stuck out though. Why wasn’t he dead right now? Why didn’t he have branches spreading out from his chest and spewing his blood and guts everywhere? He frowned harshly as he realised why he was still alive.

 

 

_What a horrible nightmare that was._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh tldr: I was in a creative slump for a while and tbh I. forgot how to write so! sorry!! please don’t expect me to update this as frequently as I did but it also shouldn’t take like.. half a year this time for another chapter.. ty!!
> 
> [Again SO sorry if this chapter is messy I’m still getting used to writing again so sorry!!]

**Author's Note:**

> KEEPIN THE RYATT TAG ALIVE BABY  
> I lov everyone who read this thabk u so much
> 
> (if there’s any spelling mistakes in this you are legally allowed to take my bones)


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